It's not everyday that you find out that you have brothers, two half brothers. It wasnt like having other siblings didnt linger at the back of my mind, being a child without a normal family, i have learned to expect unexpected ties to bind me. Normality never seemed to sketch me, well my family at least. I tend to swerve around dramas and theatrics clutching into the rules of the book to fend off aberrations but well, drama catches up with you as you slow down for a breather. I honestly want to meet them, i want to see half of my genetic make-up as i stare back in their eyes. But i doubt if they want to meet me though. I am a staunch reminder of their father's infidelity, i'm just being realistic. I will always be the girl without a father, always the illegitimate one. I am branded broken before i was even born. I can try to mend my self, but i will always be scarred. It's okay though, i like my scars, they tell a story, a tale of survival. What would i do with this new discovery? Should i seek for attention? After all they are just one message away. I hold the ax that could divide their family. Revenge is forever tempting. An eye for an eye. My father took away my chance at a happy childhood, isn't it just fair that i take away what keeps him together? I hate him, i hate that he abandoned my mother. A woman who is nothing but dear to me, i feel guilty for her sacrifices. If i wasn't born she would have a shot at an uncomplicated life with her husband and children, my half- sisters.
But i'm keeping my mouth sealed, keeping a chaos from ensuing. I dont want revenge, i want acceptance, i want my mom's happiness. I can't give her that if i continue to dig at her past. I cant let her bleed with fresh tears for my own selfish reasons. I cant be selfish when it comes to her.
Who am i even kidding? He, they would never accept me.
No one wants an abandoned child, if anyone did, it wouldn't be abandoned in the first place would it?
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| Del Rosario Family |
