Cryptically done

I think that even if we follow a systematic approach , even if science and arts are involved we are witnessing this world with blind eyes. Maybe we do not know that we are blind or we are ignoring the fact that we are. Its how it works so none the less we can do nothing about that. We are spinning around till we get nauseated , when we are fine , we spin again. We have no clue on what we are doing, but we do it anyway because there is nothing else we could do. We know nothing but simply live because no one taught how to live, really. They taught us how to win a Battle but the thing is, there are no real victors. This world is kind of frustrating. I dont know if i'm alone in this or every one else is with me. What i do know is that when I sit around thinking all day, its not only my life that is in rot but everyone else's as well. or maybe this is just a thought I thought alone so its insignificant. I could conclude that my life is a mess, but I also think that i'm suspended in a bubble, unaware of how the world really works and i fear that it will electrocute or habituate me once it bursts. I really, really yearn to live on the edge but its really really hard for me to put myself out there. This is all so frustrating, its killing me ! Millions of unrequited thoughts keep popping out but they all fail to make a sound in my mouth and by extension my actions remain static. I'm static I say I'll be on the grid but I end up aiming for the middle. All i'm saying is that if a shrinking violet has thoughts like this , another creature has to. 

Confessions of a fangirl

Have you tried screaming out your lungs till your pharynx hurt? Have you stalked anyone and not realize that it's cut for stalking till someone tells you? Have you ever felt this unexplained teeming bliss when they notice your traces that you obviously planted ? 

The thing is...............................

YOU ARE NOT ALONE IN THIS. 

It's quite a common disorder that mainly affects girls aged 13-19. The manifestations include : hallucination, delusions, day dreaming, nocturnal emissions (wet dreams), fixation and uncontrolled crazy shit behavior. The exact origin is not yet clearly established however some theories state that it is highly linked to exploding ovaries and red bottoms.  The management would be a flesh to flesh encounter with your object of fangirling. Some require numerous snapshots, videos, (very) tight hugs and stolen kisses ( and more if possible). However, the said management may not be effective to every fan girl. An eclectic approach is highly recommended due to diverse causative agents ( fangirling object ) who have distinct level of hormones and hotness. Encounters even have the tendency to worsen the condition for it can lead to certain psychosis like schizophrenia and what not. 

Another thing is...........

IT'S NOT REALLY ALL THAT BAD

Sure you probably made an ass of yourself but hey, you can't argue with hormones. It's nature's way of telling you that, although life has abandoned you. Reasons still remain to keep you standing still. So fangirls let us spazz until we ran out of spazz worthy entities.  

It's The Season to be jolly ! Falalalalalalala! So what's up with the neutralism?

As obviously stated being a loner would be an understatement. I want to laugh like a loon on loon tablets but no drug  can alter my mood. I feel neutral , I feel empty , I feel lost , I feel simple  and plain and this is just a bloody dejavu. Why am I  unlike the others? Why am I not normal? Why do I feel so different and distant?  Every waking moment is familiar but these things does not amuse me anymore. These things are inadequate. These things  are pretty upsetting. I am far from satisfaction, I’m hanging in a cliff of despair. I don’t need people to clear my clouded thoughts. I need to fog it out myself. This is a one man show. But im not sure if  I’m sane enough to continue.  I’m a lone wolf, my pack has long abandoned me or did I scare them away? I need to know that I’m not alone in this but solitude is my utopia. Am I in between? Or the edges? A single breath, word, feeling is a doubt. Did this happen before? If it did, did it end? Or is this a cycle? Is this something new? I have no idea, so , you tell me ….

TRIPPLE TREAT OR THREAT? in Room 412

It’s Tuesday, I just woke up and I’m so eager for nightfall to come so I could catch the newest episode of vampire diaries. But all that excitement got flushed down the toilet when my step-mom/aunt called that she’s confined in the hospital. I went rigid but then her demands kept rolling continuously to convince me that she is just fine. She just had diarrhea and was in need of  rest. Her request was endless., TV , her facial regimen etc. I was assigned to stay with her. I was bored so I called up my cousin to come over. When she came, I realized that the three of us are somewhat immersed if not completely in the field of nursing.The same blood flows in our veins , we descended from the same DNA and  we will probably inherit the same diseases.  My step mom wanted to take a bath so she requested my cousin to disconnect her IV line. My cousin was slow and careful. Maybe my aunt got irritated so she just pulled it out somehow. A dark shade of red flowed out of her yet she remained calm. My cousin who is a self proclaimed paranoid, went on edge. Friendly bickering started and I just watched realizing that even the eclectic approach can be applied to nurses themselves.  The thing is we are so different from each other, our family is in a complete haywire because of it. We forgive but cannot forget but we try and most often  we fail. WE do not share the same principles , we share the shame of our differences. 

12.12.12

Someday people will look back and ask "what were you doing in 12.12.12?"

my usual pattern obviously:

Went to school at 8am

Cleaned and redecorated the room at 9am

Spread words about FranKo and Tommy Bastow around 11am

Tried to write about case analysis at 11:30

Watched American Pie: Naked Mile ( laughed out loud with fellow c'mates) around  12 am

Already craving for lunch and dying of hunger at 1 pm

Headed home at 1:30 pm

Ate my lunch at last ( not very appealing, damn that slimy fish ugghhh)  at 2 pm

Watched TV around 2:30 pm

Laid down in a net swing? at 3pm

Watched Beauty and the Beast episode 1 at 4 pm

Initially wrote this at 4:30 pm

Received a phone call from my step sis (do i miss her? definitely maybe ) at 5 pm

Did my duty to my old lola at 6 pm

Made an entry to a diary required in NCM at 6:30 pm

Dinner ( my house mates are not good cooks!!!!) at 7 pm 

Wrote this again at 7:17 pm 

Coffee break ( like i needed it ) at 7:30 pm 

What i did this day are not significant, i probably need to be awarded for lameness. But i stand by Ghandi's words " What you do in life would be insignificant but it's important for you to do them because no one else will"

Let me celebrate 1006 !!!! :D

PATCH CIPRIANO.

While my classmates fall for campus guys, while my aunts complain about their husbands, while fans fawn over actors I lust for HIM : 

PATCH CIPRIANO.

Well that's no old news, I'm more in touch with fantasy than in reality. We all have our image of Patch in our heads but the world sees him as Drew Doyon. Honestly, he's not the Patch I pictured in my head, but close enough. Remember my first post about HUsh Hush saying that I'd read the next three books in hard copy. I slipped, I have read Crescendo before classes resumed and I'm nearly loosing my control to read Silence. December seems too far away, a mate of mine agreed that we'd have another book hunting next month. So Patch and Nora will have to wait till Christmas. He's the definition of danger , but what did LiL say in Parker Gray show? you need to let go of bad so the good karma would come to you. I am freaking attracted to his darkness. I want it to eat me. To consume me. To drown me. To let me fall. I want danger !!!  I want my path to burn like hell...

Other guys of fiction that I wish existed in my own so-called life :

Jace Lightwood from Mortal Instruments

Simon Lewis from Mortal Instruments

Peeta Mellark from Hunger Games 

Dave the laugh from Confessions of Georgia Nicolson

Fred and George Weasley from Harry Potter

Rodrick Heffley from Diary of a Wimpy Kid 

Jason from How To Be Popular