The Carrie Diaries

First of all, the main reason I’m watching this is because of ANNASOPHIA ROBB. She’s drop dead gorgeous and if we put Hollywood behind this, I think I’m becoming a lesbo. This is against all what I stand for, so where am I in all this? Let’s put it this way. I’m a girl, being one requires attraction to a male counterpart, which I still have. There are always exemptions to the rules so that one belongs to HER. To summarize it all, I’m a girl in anyway possible except when it comes ANNASOPHIA ROBB. 

Now that everything is crystal , let’s talk about this new show.

Are you a fan of sex and the city? And somehow you don’t find it appropriate due to the fact that they are in their late adulthood and their dilemmas are out of the question. So here is the perfect show for you! Carrie Bradshaw turns back to being a 16 y/o. Carrie just lost her mom, her sister is being a pain in the ass and she is the last virgin. As every single thing seems to be suspended, that's when Sebastian Kydd comes in. He’s too cool for school, and he finds her as an escape. She is also having an internship in Manhattan and by far, she is having a blast. Juggling her school, her family , her friends , her dream and her perfect guy, things seems to be falling in place…. Or are they?

Filipinos are clean people, they wash their bread with water.

Today we had our first duty in a mental institution in Cabugao Ilocos Sur. The moment i heard about this news, the images from wrong turn IV flashed in my head. I was damn scared.  The meeting time was jeopardized because of the fact that Filipinos have their own time.  The CI kind of criticized me AGAIN ( I'm getting the feeling that she doesnt like me that much , oh well the feeling is fucking mutual. Yes I said that word again, so beat it). The experience was fine but not that remarkable. A line is now drawn between the terms defense mechanism and coping mechanism.  I don't normally write detailed posts about my learning experiences because let's face it , studying can get flat.  But it seems fitting to write this because it's a leap none the less. Sometimes we have to fake it to make it (Carrie Diaries) . I had to fake being interested in my patient's life so I could put something in that NPI requirement. I know, i know!!  it's terrible, I'm terrible. It's my job to explore things, to make people who can't verbalize feelings be able to but most of the time I just don't care. I'm trying to care for others but one thing i'm sure about myself is that i'm an island, not a continent. 

Almost anything rhymes with fuck

The thing is I curse a lot but not normally when I'm around  righteous people (too good to be true). But this time, I wrote it, i submitted it and she gave me a damn lecture. Seriously where is freedom of speech? Or in this case, writing? When your pen bleeds, it's unstoppable. So if people try to stop it, grip it with their filthy hands it will just bleed harder. The agony will kill but you will remain an undead. 

Cryptically done

I think that even if we follow a systematic approach , even if science and arts are involved we are witnessing this world with blind eyes. Maybe we do not know that we are blind or we are ignoring the fact that we are. Its how it works so none the less we can do nothing about that. We are spinning around till we get nauseated , when we are fine , we spin again. We have no clue on what we are doing, but we do it anyway because there is nothing else we could do. We know nothing but simply live because no one taught how to live, really. They taught us how to win a Battle but the thing is, there are no real victors. This world is kind of frustrating. I dont know if i'm alone in this or every one else is with me. What i do know is that when I sit around thinking all day, its not only my life that is in rot but everyone else's as well. or maybe this is just a thought I thought alone so its insignificant. I could conclude that my life is a mess, but I also think that i'm suspended in a bubble, unaware of how the world really works and i fear that it will electrocute or habituate me once it bursts. I really, really yearn to live on the edge but its really really hard for me to put myself out there. This is all so frustrating, its killing me ! Millions of unrequited thoughts keep popping out but they all fail to make a sound in my mouth and by extension my actions remain static. I'm static I say I'll be on the grid but I end up aiming for the middle. All i'm saying is that if a shrinking violet has thoughts like this , another creature has to. 

Confessions of a fangirl

Have you tried screaming out your lungs till your pharynx hurt? Have you stalked anyone and not realize that it's cut for stalking till someone tells you? Have you ever felt this unexplained teeming bliss when they notice your traces that you obviously planted ? 

The thing is...............................

YOU ARE NOT ALONE IN THIS. 

It's quite a common disorder that mainly affects girls aged 13-19. The manifestations include : hallucination, delusions, day dreaming, nocturnal emissions (wet dreams), fixation and uncontrolled crazy shit behavior. The exact origin is not yet clearly established however some theories state that it is highly linked to exploding ovaries and red bottoms.  The management would be a flesh to flesh encounter with your object of fangirling. Some require numerous snapshots, videos, (very) tight hugs and stolen kisses ( and more if possible). However, the said management may not be effective to every fan girl. An eclectic approach is highly recommended due to diverse causative agents ( fangirling object ) who have distinct level of hormones and hotness. Encounters even have the tendency to worsen the condition for it can lead to certain psychosis like schizophrenia and what not. 

Another thing is...........

IT'S NOT REALLY ALL THAT BAD

Sure you probably made an ass of yourself but hey, you can't argue with hormones. It's nature's way of telling you that, although life has abandoned you. Reasons still remain to keep you standing still. So fangirls let us spazz until we ran out of spazz worthy entities.  

It's The Season to be jolly ! Falalalalalalala! So what's up with the neutralism?

As obviously stated being a loner would be an understatement. I want to laugh like a loon on loon tablets but no drug  can alter my mood. I feel neutral , I feel empty , I feel lost , I feel simple  and plain and this is just a bloody dejavu. Why am I  unlike the others? Why am I not normal? Why do I feel so different and distant?  Every waking moment is familiar but these things does not amuse me anymore. These things are inadequate. These things  are pretty upsetting. I am far from satisfaction, I’m hanging in a cliff of despair. I don’t need people to clear my clouded thoughts. I need to fog it out myself. This is a one man show. But im not sure if  I’m sane enough to continue.  I’m a lone wolf, my pack has long abandoned me or did I scare them away? I need to know that I’m not alone in this but solitude is my utopia. Am I in between? Or the edges? A single breath, word, feeling is a doubt. Did this happen before? If it did, did it end? Or is this a cycle? Is this something new? I have no idea, so , you tell me ….

TRIPPLE TREAT OR THREAT? in Room 412

It’s Tuesday, I just woke up and I’m so eager for nightfall to come so I could catch the newest episode of vampire diaries. But all that excitement got flushed down the toilet when my step-mom/aunt called that she’s confined in the hospital. I went rigid but then her demands kept rolling continuously to convince me that she is just fine. She just had diarrhea and was in need of  rest. Her request was endless., TV , her facial regimen etc. I was assigned to stay with her. I was bored so I called up my cousin to come over. When she came, I realized that the three of us are somewhat immersed if not completely in the field of nursing.The same blood flows in our veins , we descended from the same DNA and  we will probably inherit the same diseases.  My step mom wanted to take a bath so she requested my cousin to disconnect her IV line. My cousin was slow and careful. Maybe my aunt got irritated so she just pulled it out somehow. A dark shade of red flowed out of her yet she remained calm. My cousin who is a self proclaimed paranoid, went on edge. Friendly bickering started and I just watched realizing that even the eclectic approach can be applied to nurses themselves.  The thing is we are so different from each other, our family is in a complete haywire because of it. We forgive but cannot forget but we try and most often  we fail. WE do not share the same principles , we share the shame of our differences.